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im happy in my mental health
these conversations with myself
FIC; Here With Me 
1st-Mar-2009 02:58 pm
2,707 words.

Demi rolled her eyes before grabbing her purse and leaning over to whisper into her mothers ear that she was going to the bathroom. Making sure she was alone in the bathroom, she pulled her phone out, noticing that she only had one missed call and one voicemail. Dialing her voicemail, her face paled at the message.

"Demi, it's Mandy. Look, I can't give you many details right now, but Selena was in a car accident. We are at the hospital, but they don't know how serious it is yet. When you get this, call me."

Demi felt her heart rate increase as she dialed Mandy. "How is she?" she asked, as soon as the line connected.

Mandy sounded tired. "Hurt. They still have her in X-Ray, and they won't tell us anything. The, uh, the police said that someone hit her on the drivers side.. the kid was her age, and drunk. He doesn't have a scratch on him.. but, look, I don't know if you are busy right now.. but can you come down here?" she asked, the tears evident in her voice.

"I will be there as soon as I can. I promise," she mumbled, waiting a few seconds before ending the call. She headed back into the main room, finding her mom. "Mom, we need to leave."

"We can't just up and leave.." Dianna said, looking at her daughter. "Are you okay? You look sick."

"I just got a call from Mandy.. Selena was in a car accident, and from what it seems like, it was really bad.. mama, I just wanna be with Lena right now," she whispered.

Dianna nodded, quickly ushering her sixteen year old towards the exit.


Demi wrapped her arms around Mandy as soon as she saw her in the waiting room. "Any word yet?" she asked, her voice low. She could feel Mandy shake her head no. "I am positive she is going to be okay. She's Lena.. she is strong."

Mandy pulled back and looked at Demi. "You were somewhere fancy, weren't you?"

"It's not important. What is important is that I am here, where I need to be."

She nodded, kissing Demi's forehead before looking at Dianna. "Thank you for bringing her.."

"Don't even thank me," Dianna whispered. "I hate to bring her here and run, but I have to get home.."

"I'll keep an eye on her," Mandy said, keeping her arms wrapped around Demi.

Dianna put her hand on Demi's shoulder. "I'll bring you by a change of clothes in a little bit, okay?" she asked. Demi nodded before turning her head into Mandy's neck to try and stop the tears from falling down her face.

Mandy moved over to the chairs with Demi, sitting down, smiling as Demi sat down in her lap so she didn't have to let her go. "You're allowed to cry," she whispered, gently stroking Demi's hair. It only took those words for Demi to break down into sobs. After ten or so minutes, her sobs quieted as she fell asleep. By the time she was fast asleep, the doctor finally walked into the waiting room. Opting to instead sit and let Demi sleep, Mandy looked up as he walked over. "Please tell me she is alright.."

"She will be fine. Her left knee is broken, three cracks ribs on the left side and two on the right, and her right wrist is sprained. She is gonna be here for a while so we can keep an eye on her.. she is asleep right now.. but she is going to be just fine."

"Can we see her?" Brian asked, his hand resting gently on Mandy's shoulder.

"Only one of you," the doctor replied.

Mandy looked down at Demi's sleeping form for only a split second before deciding who was going to sit in her daughters room. "Demi.. honey.. wake up," she whispered. Demi opened her eyes slowly.


"Come on.. they have Selena in a room," she whispered before looking up at the doctor. "Demi is gonna go sit with her," she said, watching the tired sixteen year old stand up.

"You sure?" Demi mumbled. Mandy nodded, standing up and kissing the top of her head. "I know she will be happy to see you when she wakes up, so go on."

Nodding slowly, Demi followed the doctor down the hall, stopping briefly to look back at Mandy, who gave her a small smile as she waved her away.


Demi sat down in the chair on the left side of the bed, gently taking Selena's hand in hers and kissing the back of it. "I love you," she whispered. She took the quiet time to look over her girlfriend. There was an ugly looking cut and an equally ugly bruise forming around it. She had never been so angry and so scared at the same time. She hoped like hell that the person who had hit Selena's vehicle was going to jail for a long time.

Her eyes felt like they were going to close again, but every single time she caught a glimpse of the scrapes and bruises, she was wide awake again. After an hour of staring at Selena, the door opened to reveal a nurse. "Don't mind me.. I just have to check her vitals," she said, smiling. "Oh, and your friends mom said that your mom was on her way over with a change of clothes for you."

"Mandy is still sitting out there?" Demi asked, looking at the door. She then looked at the nurse. "Excuse me for a moment." She found her way back to the waiting room, finding Mandy in the almost empty group of chairs. "Why are you still sitting out here? Go sit with Selena.."

Mandy shook her head. "Honestly, Dem, I can't go in there. I can't see her like that.. hurt.. helpless. It's too hard for me to do.."

Demi stood a few feet from her, watching her stare at the floor. "Did Brian head home?" Mandy nodded. "The, uh, nurse said that you told her my mom was on her way?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "Dem, how bad does she look?"

Demi sat in the chair across from Mandy. "They obviously have a cast on her leg for her knee.. it goes from her ankle to her thigh.. and her wrist is in a brace.. and there are all these small cuts and bruises.. it was really hard for me to look at but it got a little easier.."

"How does something like that get easier?" Mandy said, her voice harsher than planned, making Demi flinch.

"Because she is alive," she stated, the intensity in her voice making it low and even. "I sat there looking at her.. and even through all those bruises and cuts and injuries, she is breathing on her own.. and I thought about how much worse it could be. She could be in critical condition, she could have been killed. But she wasn't. She is there, alive, and it makes easier to look at her, even in that state."

Mandy opened her mouth to reply, but stopped when Demi raised her hand.

"And don't even try and tell me that it would be different for you because she is your daughter. If you look at things from my point of view, you understand. She is alive and still with us, and once she wakes up.. then I know I will be able to see her smile and hear her voice."

Mandy was silent for a moment before she stood up and headed down the hall to Selena's room. Demi leaned back in the chair, looking up as her own mother walked over, fresh clothes in hand. "Mandy sitting with her?" she asked.

"Yeah.. I am gonna go change," she mumbled, taking the clothes from her mom and walking to find the closest bathroom. She emerged a few moments later to find Mandy back in the waiting room. "She's awake, but I couldn't stay in there.. maybe I am just not as strong as you to be able to see things a little better.." she mumbled. Demi grabbed her hand for a moment before heading to Selena's room.

She sat down in the chair, watching as Selena reached for her hand. "Hey, my mom said you sat here watching me for an hour," she mumbled.



Demi smiled, tears still trying to force their way out of her eyes.

"Oh, hell no. You don't start crying. You start crying I am gonna have to smack you so hard you will find yourself in the middle of last week," she said, squeezing Demi's hand tightly.

Demi snorted. "You called me a perv."

"Well, you are. I mean, I bet all you did when you were watching me was check me out, cause admit it, I am hot."

This time, Demi flat out started laughing. "I hate you," she said.

"Why? What could I ever do on this earth to make you hate me?" Selena asked, feigning innocence.

"Because I am trying to be totally upset about the fact that you could have died tonight, and you just make me laugh. You're using humor to cover.."

"Cover for what?"

"For the fact that you wanna cry just as bad as I do."

Selena sighed, lying her head back on the pillows. "Yeah. I do."

It was quiet for a moment before Demi began tapping her foot. "Is there anything I can do to help? I mean, something.. anything.. how can I help you? I just cannot sit here and look at you like this.."

Selena smiled. "Come closer," she whispered. Demi stood up and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "A little closer.."

She stopped when her face was only inches from Selena's. "Yeah?"

Selena smirked, leaning forward to kiss her passionately. They broke apart after almost a minute, Demi staring into Selena's eyes. "There, you helped."


Selena grabbed Demi's arm as she passed her for the sixth time. "Demi, take a chill pill. You've been running around this house doing everything for the past two days," she said, pulling her girlfriend onto the couch with her. "You don't have to do everything.. that's what my mom is for!" she said, blowing Mandy a kiss as she walked into the room.

"Sorry. I just.. I don't know. I can't handle this, Lena.."

"Handle what?"

"You're carefree attitude!" Demi snapped. "The way you can just sit there and pretend like nothing is wrong at all!"

Selena was quiet. "Do you want to know why I act that way about it?" she whispered. Demi stayed silent. "Because at night, I lay there and pretend to sleep until I know you are passed out.. then I let myself fall asleep, and I have the most horrible nightmares. When I am awake, if I dwell on it too much, it gets to me. And once it gets to me, I know it will get to you and to my mom.. and I don't want that.. Demi, I hear the two of you whisper when you think I can't hear. You are both on the edge of breaking down, and I hate that I am the cause of that."

Demi let her eyes focus on her hands, which were now intertwined with Selena's. The room stayed silent for a long moment before Demi opened her mouth. "Why didn't you tell me you were having nightmares?"

"Because it just didn't seem important. It's to be expected. Demi, I was in a serious car accident, yes. It is going to cause some mental trauma. But it is my trauma to deal with!"

"Well, you know something? If it is your trauma, then I guess you just don't need me around at all. Let me know when it can be my problem too," she snapped, standing up. She stopped at the door and looked back at Selena. "I just can't handle it."

The door closed loudly, making Selena flinch. Her eyes closed tightly, tears forcing their way past the closed lids. Waiting only a moment, she opened her mouth and let out a scream that was filled with agony. Somewhere in the following screams and cries as she found herself in her mothers arms, she could feel pricks of pain in her heart as she spoke Demi's name over and over.

Over the next four nights, Selena realized just how much she needed Demi there.. how much having her there helped. Mandy noticed as well. She noticed how every single night Selena would wake up screaming for Demi.. and it hurt her. No parent ever wanted to see their child in the kind of pain that Selena was in. She needed Demi with her.

Finally, it got to the point where Mandy couldn't take it anymore. After she had calmed Selena down from the latest nightmare, she found her phone and dialed Demi.


"Sorry to wake you.. but can you please come back here.. please?"

"Is Lena okay?"

Mandy noted the panic in Demi's voice. "Honestly? I don't think so. These nightmares.. Demi, she wakes up from them screaming for you.. she never did that while you were here. She is scared to sleep."

Demi was silent.


"I'll be there in the morning," she whispered, hanging up before Mandy could respond.

Selena was fast asleep when Demi arrived. The sixteen year old sat on the empty side of Selena's bed, watching her sleep. Fifteen minutes later, the first agonizing cry of Demi's name hit. The amount of pain that was in it shocked Demi to the point of where it took three more cries for her before she could even reach out and touch Selena, another four to actually hold her.

"I'm here," she whispered, her lips pressed to Selena's ear. "I'm right here."

Selena held onto Demi for dear life, slowly calming down. "Don't leave me.."

"I won't."

"But you did. Don't leave me again," she whispered. "Ever."


When a month goes by and you spend almost every waking moment with someone, it becomes a sort of welcome relief when you find something that you have to do. Like an interview on Ellen. It's a place where the questions just breeze by.. until the major one.

"I really hate to get serious, but we all know about the car accident that your BFF Selena was in. How is she doing now? Wanna share how you felt.. like, what your thoughts were?"

Demi was quiet for a moment, looking at her hands. "It was scary. I mean.. I was at some gala or another, and being a little rebel, I snuck away to check my phone.. and to make a long story short, I had never been so scared in my life.. I mean, besides some minor injuries, she was fine.." her voice trailed off. Ellen reached over and grabbed her hand. "Before it all, I was pretty unsure about some things.. a lot of doubt about certain stuff.. but spending the past month and a half with Selena.. I am pretty sure that I love her more than I ever thought I did," she said.

The pace picked back up into a happier tone, and Demi didn't even realize how her words could be taken until she was back on the couch at Mandy's, her fingers tangled in Selena's hair, their lips pressed together roughly. The hand that wasn't holding Demi close to her began snaking its way up her back, slowly lifting the fabric of her shirt. "So," Selena said, pulling back slightly, "my mom said that you realized that you love me so much more than you ever thought."

Demi smirked, ducking her head down to place a kiss on Selena's neck. She moaned, causing Demi to kiss her again. "Yeah, maybe I do love you a ton.." she whispered, her face hovering inches from Selena's.

"How about helping me upstairs and showing me how much you love me?" Selena mumbled, her hand sliding from the middle of Demi's back down, her fingers resting gently just below the waistband of Demi's jeans. "Let's give the past two months a happy ending."

1st-Mar-2009 08:16 pm (UTC)
really lovely ♥
1st-Mar-2009 09:01 pm (UTC)
awww. i love the ellen bit especially. i can totally see demi saying that :)
1st-Mar-2009 09:10 pm (UTC)
Despite a cheesy ending [remind me to smack you for that! I thought we had a deal!], this fic delivers. The words carry a sort of raw emotion with them that cuts right to your heart when you picture these events in your head. For that, I salute you, dude. But no more cheesy endings!

1st-Mar-2009 10:46 pm (UTC)
aww, i really liked this one! another great fic from you! =D keep up the writing!!
1st-Mar-2009 10:54 pm (UTC)
Another great story
1st-Mar-2009 11:45 pm (UTC)
You ended this really well, though on a definitely cheesy note.
But still, it was fun collaborating with you again.
You've got a great talent, for sure.
2nd-Mar-2009 12:52 am (UTC)
Amazing, once more :)
2nd-Mar-2009 02:34 am (UTC)
I liked it and its cheesiness. Keep up the good work!
25th-Aug-2009 06:03 am (UTC)
So I'm really delayed in reading this lol but it was amazing just like all the other ones you've written (:
31st-Aug-2009 03:01 pm (UTC)
awesome! it`s the first demi/sel fic i read and it`s incredible! LOVED IT!
21st-Sep-2009 03:41 pm (UTC)
Hello, I'm here via ff.net.

I just ended up on a profile page where this story was posted. With your name on it, but with no indication that you'd given permission. There's also another story by you on that author's profile.

Just FYI,

I'll not post the link here, now, but I can - or send it by email if you want.
20th-Oct-2009 02:34 am (UTC)
Can you show me the links?
20th-Oct-2009 02:47 am (UTC)
I should have taken a screenshot back then. Sorry. It appears the stories have been removed, and the account closed down. It was this one

20th-Oct-2009 02:52 am (UTC)
Ah, but the new account still has the story on it: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2111555/

20th-Oct-2009 03:23 am (UTC)
Since I don't have a ff.net account, is there any wya that you can contact this person an d tell them I don't remember giving my permission and I would like the stories removed?
2nd-Nov-2009 07:39 pm (UTC)
I left a message; I got a reply saying sorry. Your stories have been removed from the account.

From the wording of the reply, the author seems to think they tried to contact you at some point, but you never replied. Not that that excuses the posting without permission, of course.

Happy writing,

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